Today has been a day of full on laughter I mean I just kept reflecting on my year. Then kept reflecting on how I thought just a year ago. Oh man, all I could do was laugh like all day at everything. I even visited a friend and decided to get her laughing also. This is why I was so happy today because man what was I thinking Why did I ever get so trapped by the law. I mean really do you realize how powerful your brain is and that you can almost convince yourself that way is right and the way to be. I was told it was a message of love but it felt like a message of control a way to put the bit in. I am done because I tell you Grace is beautiful I am able to be free to share my daily life no judgment just be me. And even if I am a judge I do not give a rip cause I get to laugh at that.
The thing is I knew it was this from the beginning but I was afraid do you know how many times I have faced death even before I entered the church on my own. But slowly I just felt hammered down I felt like I was never good enough. But yet control was all I new in my home and out yet rebellion was written on my heart or was it.
I have come to the conclusion what was written on my heart living in a world that was messed up and full of pain and horror was I actually had love. I saw the past always have been. But then I was taught Judgment. all that did was not make my heart soft but make me hard make me wear masks. I did not even know how to function well in relationships even my marriage was full of judgments by both parties. We both judged each other. I judged so many people under the law.
When I first came to my church I was taken for a whiplash of a ride I was faced with every emotion that I can imagine. it was a nightmare at the same time I faced life and death with my health. My heart pounded with such joy. But my walls came up so fast and soon enough I was caught up in the typical trap I began to feel like I had to prove myself. Frick, I knew inside I had to fight through this. I knew I had to hang on.
My mind needed a shift because my heart was ready to give out even physically it was crazy as I fought through every painful moment of every inch of my life I decided to listen to my heart. This then had me also remember what my joy was when did I lose this freedom? When Did I loose the ability to be able to close my eyes and center in with Jesus? When did I loose my passion for others? When did I become selfish this is not me. Then I heard this when did the lion get locked in the cage. Oh my goodness, the words hit me. YOU CARE TO MUCH. Ha, that was the lie. I began to laugh when I heard that one. Ya right, how can you ever care too much Jesus loved us so much he paid the price he took us with him and he set us free. So to love is this not the key to true happiness. And how do you find that well when you recognize you are truly loved and that You are truly set free then the true understanding of grace hits your heart and shatters every cold ice cube and melts it. the thing is as this begins to happen it is up to you if you are willing to go through the process. I think we look way too much for the microwave effect. When in reality we need to let our hearts become one with our minds and have them connect and realize we actually can have a mindset shift and find a complete connection cause Well God gave us that ability.
Then what you get is this the little girl that was dancing in the field of daisies on the side of a mountain. Ya, that is you. And as that happens you unfold and you realize how to have relationships you realize how to relax because everything just makes sense. The greatest is when you come face to face with the things you once would hide in a closet and you would hide in shame well you come face to face with them and you realize this is a choice I am making for me not because I feel like a finger is pointing at me and I am going to burn but because I not only love myself enough but I know I am loved. The thing that is beautiful is it shows me the house is on a rock, not the sand. God has blown my mind and I have had chains fall off because my mind found that peace with my heart. And now I realize not only am I a child of God but I am saved by Grace I am a part of the trinity the work is complete the simple Gospel is a beautiful essence of the presence. This is now where the words I was once blind but now I see make so much more sense to me. I feel like I can pick up the word again. I have begun to study again and preparing to speak again. This mouth is about to match up with its heart. And this is Where being in a Grace church has been such a precious thing. Cause I tell ya there were times I just wanted to run.
But when I truly realized and was awaken instead it just makes me want to embrace it as family and realize this family can be messy sometimes but it is precious and this family I feel is even safe enough to bring my own flesh family to cause I know with no shadow of a doubt they will be excepted even in their mess. The funny thing what I took as rejection while I was going through the process was actually patience a kind way of waiting that beats pushing away any day. Finding out who you really are is a precious thing. Do not allow a person to be in the way of your hearts vision the great divine dwells within your DNA the truth is written on your heart.
The thing is I knew it was this from the beginning but I was afraid do you know how many times I have faced death even before I entered the church on my own. But slowly I just felt hammered down I felt like I was never good enough. But yet control was all I new in my home and out yet rebellion was written on my heart or was it.
I have come to the conclusion what was written on my heart living in a world that was messed up and full of pain and horror was I actually had love. I saw the past always have been. But then I was taught Judgment. all that did was not make my heart soft but make me hard make me wear masks. I did not even know how to function well in relationships even my marriage was full of judgments by both parties. We both judged each other. I judged so many people under the law.
When I first came to my church I was taken for a whiplash of a ride I was faced with every emotion that I can imagine. it was a nightmare at the same time I faced life and death with my health. My heart pounded with such joy. But my walls came up so fast and soon enough I was caught up in the typical trap I began to feel like I had to prove myself. Frick, I knew inside I had to fight through this. I knew I had to hang on.
My mind needed a shift because my heart was ready to give out even physically it was crazy as I fought through every painful moment of every inch of my life I decided to listen to my heart. This then had me also remember what my joy was when did I lose this freedom? When Did I loose the ability to be able to close my eyes and center in with Jesus? When did I loose my passion for others? When did I become selfish this is not me. Then I heard this when did the lion get locked in the cage. Oh my goodness, the words hit me. YOU CARE TO MUCH. Ha, that was the lie. I began to laugh when I heard that one. Ya right, how can you ever care too much Jesus loved us so much he paid the price he took us with him and he set us free. So to love is this not the key to true happiness. And how do you find that well when you recognize you are truly loved and that You are truly set free then the true understanding of grace hits your heart and shatters every cold ice cube and melts it. the thing is as this begins to happen it is up to you if you are willing to go through the process. I think we look way too much for the microwave effect. When in reality we need to let our hearts become one with our minds and have them connect and realize we actually can have a mindset shift and find a complete connection cause Well God gave us that ability.
Then what you get is this the little girl that was dancing in the field of daisies on the side of a mountain. Ya, that is you. And as that happens you unfold and you realize how to have relationships you realize how to relax because everything just makes sense. The greatest is when you come face to face with the things you once would hide in a closet and you would hide in shame well you come face to face with them and you realize this is a choice I am making for me not because I feel like a finger is pointing at me and I am going to burn but because I not only love myself enough but I know I am loved. The thing that is beautiful is it shows me the house is on a rock, not the sand. God has blown my mind and I have had chains fall off because my mind found that peace with my heart. And now I realize not only am I a child of God but I am saved by Grace I am a part of the trinity the work is complete the simple Gospel is a beautiful essence of the presence. This is now where the words I was once blind but now I see make so much more sense to me. I feel like I can pick up the word again. I have begun to study again and preparing to speak again. This mouth is about to match up with its heart. And this is Where being in a Grace church has been such a precious thing. Cause I tell ya there were times I just wanted to run.
But when I truly realized and was awaken instead it just makes me want to embrace it as family and realize this family can be messy sometimes but it is precious and this family I feel is even safe enough to bring my own flesh family to cause I know with no shadow of a doubt they will be excepted even in their mess. The funny thing what I took as rejection while I was going through the process was actually patience a kind way of waiting that beats pushing away any day. Finding out who you really are is a precious thing. Do not allow a person to be in the way of your hearts vision the great divine dwells within your DNA the truth is written on your heart.
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