I am done

Society has torn me up, churches raised against me just like JPJ and Jill austin and all the other prophets in this world would say I had a rod of steel down my spine and that no matter what comes against me I will stand leaders churches. But I am done it has been many. Churches that gossiped went to my buisness robbed me of everything I had. Then was told I had protection friends that would be there be family I do not think anyone knows what family is. I drive myself alone to the hospital that I hate and afraid and I am by myself how is this society of christians even kind. I love Jesus very much but I am done fighting I am done people telling me to live on. WHy you all treat me like shit call me a liar when I am not rob me. Judge me I was sent to stir up darkness but they take there darkness and strap it onto me. I am done. I am going to let this disease take over. 

How to resurrect the broken hearted.

I have spent the last year on a Journey to speak to every mentor that has ever impacted me or meant something to me. You might ask why would you do this? You see what if I have lived a life that has been full of tournament and horror but I could never really truly face it. What if it was so painful that I allowed religion to try and paint the picture for me. I allowed peoples ideas of how I should face this pain be how I did this and all that did was give me years of pushing the pain down and covering it with pretending it never existed or was not as bad as it truly was.

You see for years I was a driven person to prove I was for real, that this was for real my life was real. I never needed to be driven because one thing the Great Divine has shown me is that the truth is written in the stars and hope has its ways of peaking itself around the corner. I also realized I needed to face the pain and face it once and for all this was part of my healing process.

I would get letters from our government apologizing for not keeping me safe one of my mentors read this letter along with this was a check I call a slap in the face but meh. The thing is What the Great Devine had me see is that the mentors in my life were not just my teachers but they were my witnesses and boy, oh boy are they, mighty people. They are the people you read about or want to read about they are the kind of people that blew my mind at the end of meeting my last mentor I had what I call a holy shit moment.

 I saw myself standing there looking around at the mighty men and women the Great Divine put in my life and that I get to say are my friends and are on my phone list. They are the ones that when I am in a corner they rise up. They are the ones that when I feel alone they show me I am not. They are the ones I do not get to see every day but I know they are in my corner.

They are the ones who taught me how to show Grace when all you want to do is punch someone in the face for there ignorance they are the ones who taught me grace when everything inside did not want to experience it because you felt unworthy. They are the ones who dragged me to a hospital when I did not want to go. They are the ones who know a phone call can take you out of a dark hole and get you back on your feet and being that joyful person everyone knows in the world.

They are the ones who can kick my ass, and give me a hug, and lift me up all in one sentence. They are the ones who know when I am hungry and give me a meal. They are the ones who know how to speak life to a body who keeps trying to give up. They are the ones Who when I stand on all the fruit in my life I can say Ya, you see the Great Devine ya, well you know look what he gave me I am a billionaire even though I live in a shack. lol, Our riches do not just come from money alone at the end of the day money does not go with you. But your memories do. And I can say my memories this year will be of all of you who truly stood with me and all of you I promise will see the fruits of your labor. I know our God and God delights when lives are transformed by love. This is one Greatful chick. I might be living with physical heart issues but my spiritual heart my soul it has found peace. I know we are no longer alone. And I understand love in a greater manner than I can ever imagine. I finally realized who are those of there word and those I can truly trust I finally feel completely safe. I feel like life just truly began for me. Now it is time to live it find healing for this heart and rise up yet again.

When Gratitude and Joy become your life and When The Devine is the centre.

It has been a while since I have blogged, So here I am writing I am thinking of this trip I just had. I have been on plenty of trips since I have last written.

 Each one came with a special gift. It seems this Journey of finding healing has now become the Journey of showing others Just what the heart of the Great Devine is. Whether it be in business or Joy. I get to watch Papa touch the hearts of all each day. This is a life I have greatly enjoyed. I have also gained this in this Journey a sense of who my real friends are. I have found a great place to land my feet and know where home is it is an amazing place to be.

 I have found peace in my heart understanding Gods love for us all and the Light that is shined all over. I have found a sense of complete peace in a way I may never be able to describe but those who travel with me will testify to finding this also. It is fun I just came back from a trip where a business partner had his eyes opened wide and was just rocked the entire trip. I watched everyone we were with find this understanding of Papas love also.
We were able to speak to the untouchable the ones no one thought was possible and were able to get complete attention. Love it when the words you need to speak are on your lips because all you have to do is listen to the Great divine.

It is funny in my home land I sit in the background when I travel it is a whole other world it is where I am welcomed and blessed and given great respect. I love the hearts of the people I get to meet the ones that bring us into their homes feed us to bless us and allow us to bless in return. Life has become these beautiful moments of paying it forward and helping others discover the beauty of the heart of God but also the heart of healing and finding health. It was funny today I have realized I have talked to so many wide ranges of people from billionaires to rock stars to actors to business people to doctors to pastors to the list goes on. I was shown I can fit into any environment now and this I thank Papa for.
 I look at my life at 41 and I say this I have actually lived an amazing life first half of my life was very hard but here I am today and life has become about Joy gratitude and appreciation of a life that I have to live. I love this life and it is with great Joy I get to walk it out. Took me time to adjust to this new life but I love it.

Being in a state of peace is a precious gift and I plan on keeping this. How do you find this? Well, this is how to go after it all do not hide from the hidden pain do not run from yourself there is no shame. The world has taught us to be and look a certain way. But this is just a cover this is not true happiness true happiness and peace comes when you discover you and who you are. When you open your eyes and allow the love that is surrounding you to actually pierce your heart. When you discover who you can trust and who your friends and family are and realizing how you are truly seen by the Great Divine. When you allow your heart to fully just allow God to take over. When you recognize you were apart of it all from the very begining. Life just becomes different.

So yesterday was very interesting I learned something valuable I have spent the last while with my ear to the ground listening to the voice of the Great Divine. I woke up yesterday and I was exhausted I heard very clearly stay home rest. I did not. The entire morning I dragged my feet. The thing is it was always a choice. But what I learned in the fact of not listening is that I was walking out in my old way and trying to please. I did not want to not show up because I am a committed person to my commitments.

 The thing is it is also important to listen to the still voice. The amazing thing in this was seeing just how amazing the people are that are in my life that has taken the time to spend a day with me the ones that know who I am. They so spoke into my heart and reminded me that I know what to do. I was also released with freedom. I was reminded that I can walk where I am called to and these places would open their doors. and in these places both would be blessed. Wow, that was interesting so I put it to the test. I decided to spend my evening listening. The amazing thing about the Great divine even when we do not listen we are given another chance to listen. Love this.

My adventure that night was life giving and greeted with honor by many I found myself rise up from feeling torn in my heart. I felt my heart grow as I stood there I heard this You have been on a training ground for this right in front of you. I looked around and realized yup this was one of the dreams that were in front of me before the house burnt down. This was the team we all were trying to connect and I knew back then that we were to be doing something great together. And now we are here. All this stuff was for this. These last few months the Great divine has laid out some pretty amazing meetings. I realized we all have been in a training ground also. We were not ready before because we needed to grow to this stage in our lives. See process like I always say is important. You see this is what has helped my heart this morning. I realized this I do not need to have control because things are way smoother when they naturally fall into place. And what others do with their stuff is on them. This just makes life beautiful. My values in my life are this Great divine and the Great divine Values family and friends and loving one another excepting and opening our hearts to see others for who they are building them up and watch them grow. These are the values I will live by.

This is What Understanding Grace did for me.

This is a beautiful thing that happens when you learn to accept the Grace of God. When you realize the Grace and Love and mercy Our Great divine has for us. I entered this Journey a beat up self-hating physical mess. Who was just at the bottom of the barrel person. I felt rejection from every corner so all I knew I could hang onto was the still voice of my good friend Jesus. I knew what came out of his mouth and what actions were taken that this was truth. But in the midst of that God would send friends to walk along the side and popping in words of encouragement I will say these friends are still strong and true to this day. Along with this path God has also brought some beautiful precious moments of healing with reconciliation. The family has grown stronger and closer each step of the walk I see little pockets of light that are transforming. If you truly believe that Papa would leave anything unfinished or return it in pieces than I believe you might need to seek a little harder and realize just who Papa is.

You see That was the beginning of the awakening for me. Seeking truly God show me who you are but the big one was God show me who I am. So I started with this What is Grace I looked it up and this is what I got.

Grace
The word "grace" in biblical parlance can, like forgiveness, repentance, regeneration, and salvation, mean something as broad as describing the whole of God's activity toward man or as narrow as describing one segment of that activity. An accurate, common definition describes grace as the unmerited favor of God toward man. In the Old Testament, the term that most often is translated "grace, " is hen [ej]; in the New Testament, it is charis [cavri"].

When I read the words Favour towards man it was like a light went off in my head. And I realized something He was not Judging me actually he favored me. Then I started to get visions and seeing what my life was meant to be. I started to walk it out. And boy did I face some attack and misunderstanding through this. That is when I realized shoot I deal with rejection. So went after that. basically, I just went after any issue that came up. I realized I truly just love peace in my life I like good things and I will not take shit anymore. I also realize that I also have an amazing opportunity to just let God be my voice in every moment of my day. I am not perfect so do mess it up sometimes lol. But you see that is where Grace speaks. you see this is Grace like a father who truly loves their child has to grace when that child makes a mistake they want the best for their child. So does the Great Divine have for you? Do not dwell on your mistakes but get up and go again. Because remember our Good Father well the picture He has for you is so much different than the one you might have. Grace truly means new beginning every minute of the day natural consequences is what takes place in our mistakes, not punishment for real.

When you realize this it is like realizing you have already faced the hell. So you kind of chill out and you get to feel the presence and peace that comes with not allowing your failures to be what rule your life. To me, this is a precious picture of Grace cause honestly it transformed my life. And now I get to sit back and let this all unfold. When Papa restores your life I promise you it is not in pieces but I also promise it takes you to work through the process and this is not easy. But it does get easier and easier as you go along and it for some will move quickly because Papa is doing a Big work on people's lives right now. When you allow the Great Divine to resonate through every inch of your body it is amazing how healing it is to the body and soul. I encourage you this if you still do not find this then maybe seek Grace and the understanding of it a little deeper. It truly helped me to research just how I work I guess. 

Just going to let it all out.

I am kind of in a place where I am tired of holding back. I am sick of the gossip and if you think you are smart enough to think it is not known you really need to wake up. Judgment gossip is a horrible thing that is what causes destruction.
I am going to say I am not innocent of these thoughts or actions. I am human but is this our excuse is to live the human existence is to be a cruel devastating lying machine.

And is the church truly the worst for this. How about our government or is our world or just our country or just our town the only place that struggles with the continues of judging others.

How about to stop for the one-second look at their actions. What do you truly see? Look for one moment in the person you are judging and what do you see. Does this person fight through storms that you can not even imagine in your pretty world? or your hidden world. What if the person you are judging is the one that causes you to look deep within your own soul and see what is truly going on.?
What is it that causes us to make assumptions of another when we ourselves have our own mess to deal with?
Have we ever stopped for one second to truly understand What walking in Grace means does it mean we can speak of these actions but when faced with walking them out we do not know how or do we know how? We just stopped listening to the truth that beats within our hearts.
And as a body does seeing someone once a week give you validation to actually think you know them or does actually going into their world seeing their environment when they invite them in to see who they truly are. I think how we truly get to know someone is the example Jesus gave us yup.

You see what example did we have. Many he went into our world from the very beginning. he came and was totally loved at first and then hated in the end. Wow does that not blow your mind. And then in our world even still is laughed at but yet worshiped at the same time. Something that never had the intention to harm but show us true Grace true love true sacrifice a true example of what we ourselves are capable of doing you see if Jesus came to teach us to love then does that not mean we are capable of this. I believe in the trinitarian way or I would say if that does not make sense Greek orthodox is becoming the closest thing I can attain to being something I can connect with at this point.

As all, I am on a Journey and this is a rant from the heart. I have been facing some of this over this week. And I have also been hearing from so many others going through this. So as the Lionheart I was once given the nickname I thought I was told no longer to be silent and hear I am speaking something that even myself can work on. Let's open up our hearts and see what all of us can change a little. We all need each other in the end. The beautiful thing is this. Because actions speak louder than words that's when our true colors get shown either good or bad. 

The year of the return and some.

Ha, I just have to laugh every day How can I not wake up in complete joy every day even when I wake up with a sore back and neck every day it never gets me down. And every night I return home I return home in tears but they are tears of great gratitude and joy.

You see I was so enslaved you have no idea. I was tortured by my memories of my past and I was running for many years. You wonder how I have experienced so much well at the same time that I was running inside my soul my mind was still going and trying to find freedom I was seeking love I was looking for what I was told existed but never truly understood. I was so lost and tortured inside. Then my body finally broke and health took over. in that it stopped my mind from spinning and the fear of rejection began to break. I will never forget this day I know this was the day the chains broke and this was the day that I began to seek every inch of my soul and this was the day where I started to see the heavens open and I started to see the transformation in my heart. These were the words that ring through my ear every day.

God align her heavenly body with her physical body. It hit me like a ton of bricks What This is possible if this is possible then there is a possibility of healing. Maybe this is the path to healing. I began the journey I said fine I will do this. The thing is it was a messy thing to walk out and painfully gained and lost some friends but hey man the greatest is having all those that have ever impacted your heart and help you be who you are today because they took the time to mentor you well they all started to rise up and stand with me. And with this I felt like the strength inside of me began to rise I truly started to see what they saw all these years. The thing is it took hard work. It took me willing to go deep.

You know you are on the right track when you now hold a letter in your hand from the government of child protection services stating they made a mistake and now they are saying they are sorry. I was left in an unsafe situation and they know that and they are doing what they can to make up for it. I am watching my family rise up. I am watching reconciliation happening. I have now also been finding it funny as Papa has lined up slowly and surely every mentor that has impacted my life to see just what God has done. When they all see the change man I tell ya that does something to you your confidence rises and you stand even stronger you know you are not alone.

Meanwhile, when I go off every morning I now help others find healing how amazing is this I walked through pain to only in the end be able to relate to so many people. and be able to help them find healing through so many avenues. This brings joy in the morning and tears of thankfulness each night. Meanwhile, in each corner, I know who has my back. My life is becoming a living testimony and I have made some mistakes in it but hey how many of us are perfect on that is the beauty of each day. And a precious thing that Grace shows us.

So what is the change well it is this I have seen God always pointing down on me I knew I had Jesus by my side but this was this constant battle I am loved but you are no good. that was the constant battle and life was about proving myself I never spoke what I truly felt I was too busy saying what I thought others wanted to hear. As the fear was they will hurt you if you speak the truth. Not anymore something I was always taught finally pierced my heart. And I will say this again it was when I heard the words let your heavenly body line up with your physical body. boom I looked around the room and looked at my phone and I realized holy shit look who stands here with me. You are so loved you can do this.

From that moment I took a step over the line of my old mindset into a new mindset. I excepted grace but now I also had to battle through everything I was taught and find out what was truth for me. I am still figuring that out. But the cool thing is I am gaining wisdom and knowledge every day. While gaining more understanding in healing. There is so much to healing it is crazy. We need to look from inside out. and look at the environment and see what needs to change we need to add things that are missing into our body to a line it and make it healthy. We need to also focus on our thoughts each day, not an easy task when you have so many lies in your head from your past and you need to walk through them it is like walking through a wall sometimes. But trust me the other side is worth it. and trust me You for sure need to look at God he is right there with you and he holds the keys to the truth.

Let's face it we are all broken people we all have a story and now it is time to heal the story. Trust me we can all find this it is there for us to grab healing is real. I have found physical and emotional healing from the head to the heart.